Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Feb08

Talk about a really bad hair day!
Whoever designed this light switch is going to have a tough time getting into Heaven!
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This had to be a fun thing to witness!
Watch Out For The Pigeon Bomber!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Crazy Ads

Quote of the Week

“Always remember that striving and struggle precede success, even in the dictionary.”

– Sarah Ban Breathnach, writer

Joke of the Week

Three Government Contractors…

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in
D.C.; one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from
Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I figure the job
will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit
for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
“I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100
profit for me.”

The New Jersey contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that friends, is how it all works!


Nice Email of the Week

First of all, I haven’t received your weekly update for a while.  I was getting really sad (imagine having to do all the work of going to your website all on my own and not getting it automatically in my inbox!!) and taking it a little personally that you deleted me from your mailing list.  Then I remembered that my e-mail changed.  Now I feel a little better and realized it probably was my own fault and not an intentional shun on your part!  🙂


Second, how is your dad?  Poor guy.  Your family definitely has your share of trials!!  I guess because you’re so stalwart and brave about it all!!  What a family!  One of my 2 1/2 yr old twins had an adenoidectomy and tonsillectomy the end of January.  I was SOOOO nervous and worried!  Then I thought of you and your wife and all that YOUR twins have had to endure!  You guys must be the bravest people on the planet!!!!!  You’re so positive through all your trials!  We could ALL learn a lesson from you.


Finally, WOW!  The tubing in Minnesota is WAYYYYYYY cool!!!  I never knew such places exist!  Amazing!!




Remember ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. 
That’s why it’s so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied.   If it weren’t for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn’t get a second look from most guys.



Then again, I could be wrong . . . . . .

Best Tom Cruise Photo Ever!

Quote of the Week

“Life is a promise; fulfill it.”

– Mother Teresa, humanitarian

Joke of the Week

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said,

‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

‘So what do you think about that Doc?’

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

‘I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.’

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.’

‘As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge.

He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.’

‘Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that?’ asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said,

‘Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.’

The doctor replied, ‘My point exactly.’

Hillary's had a tough week!
The Worst Part Had To Be The Horns!
Two girls. One boy.
You're going to walk around like that? You must be nuts!
Man, This is going to hurt!
Worst Fake ID Ever!
What an appropriate vanity plate!
If you're going to sell on CraigsList, you should tell it like it is!

Quote of the Week

“Do not wait; the time will never be just right.”

– Napoleon Hill, author

Joke of the Week

Country Funeral

To all you with rural roots, hope you get a kick out of this – –

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and, in a rush, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do.

The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say “Amen,” “Praise the Lord,” and “Glory,” I preached, and I preached, like I’d never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelation.

 I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.

  As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, “I ain’t never seen anything like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Obama is already making plans for his new job!
I'm guessing the owner of this van will be happy to lend it to Ted.
I really thought this was going to be the Packers year....
Now that was an amazing landing!
Looks like somebody isn't too thrilled to have a new step mom...
Coming soon to a street corner near you....
Sometimes you just gotta go....
Can you come out to play?

“In a time of drastic change, it is the learners who inherit the future.”

– Eric Hoffer, philosopher

Joke of the Week

Indian Message To The Moon 

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they 
did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and 
came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only
 Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. 
“What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for 
their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked
 if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the 
NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man  recorded his
 message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused.

So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation 
where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but 
refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government
 translator. He reported that the moon message said, 

“Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”

Grandmas Don’t Know Everything

Little Tony had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked, “Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling”

Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.!”

Nice Email of the Week

Hey Todd,

Thought I’d share this one with you. . .

Thanks for the laughs each week.

Good luck with your dad.   I will be praying for him.


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