Minnesota Cripple Seeks Exploitation
Todd Swank, alias Shortarmguy, is seeking to represent a visionary organization looking to attract attention for their new product or service. Since it’s difficult for an advertising campaign to be noticed in the internet era, Shortarmguy wants to offer his unique talent. He has a gift for being stared at by strangers. A creative marketing team could leverage his skill for being noticed by the general public into a successful series of television commercials, newspaper ads, and live public presentations.
Shortarmguy feels that the time is right for a twenty-first century company to exploit a cripple for profit.
Shortarmguy has funny looking arms. People tend to recognize and remember him more than they would the average person. Strangers go out of their way to pay close attention to him when he’s walking nearby. Even celebrities tend to recall the image of the man with the goofy hands. For example, Shortarmguy had an encounter with Minnesota Timberwolves Shooting Guard Terrell Brandon. He approached Brandon and asked if he could get a picture of the popular basketball player with his wife and son. Brandon agreed. After the photo was completed, Shortarmguy said “Thanks! I’m a season ticket holder for the Wolves.” Brandon then exclaimed “Yeah, I’ve seen you around.” How’s that for evidence? A real live NBA player remembered him. Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura has also been caught on occasion stealing glances at Shortarmguy’s strange limbs.
As every good marketer knows, recognition and recall are very important elements of brand awareness. Online customer reviews have also become an important component of a company’s online presence. For example, positive Titlemax reviews can increase customer traffic to a particular Titlemax title loan office. With the right product or service, Shortarmguy could help provide this. A campaign that centers on poking fun at him while also creating an incentive to buy said product or service could be very successful indeed. Plus, it would be damn funny. There’s a lot of truth to the old slogan: Hire the Handicapped, they’re fun to watch.
Currently, there are occasional ads featuring the physically challenged, but they’re typically some touchy feely goop. Something like “Look at this person in a wheelchair competing in a sports tournament. God bless them for making an effort!” There hasn’t been an ad with a wild & crazy Cripple getting in the face of the audience and saying “Yeah, I’m different…what the hell are you going to do about it?”
Controversy equals publicity. There may be concerns that a company that makes money off a campaign ridiculing a Handicap could be a bad thing. Some people won’t like the idea. They’ll say it’s cruel. Look at the movie Bubble Boy for example. The good folks at Disney created a movie lampooning a kid in a plastic bubble. Soon every talk show on TV featured parents of actual Bubble Boys screaming about how mean these movie people were. The directors were screaming that they were misunderstood and they were laughing with the Bubble Boy, not at him.
Shortarmguy feels it’s time the tables were turned on the complainers. He feels it’s time that somebody stands up and says “Yes, we teased the disabled person to make a buck. He’s a funny guy and he’s funny looking. He’s not ashamed of it and we’re not ashamed of it. He made jokes about himself while pitching our product. Our target market laughs at the ads. And the really cool thing is, our product is selling like hotcakes! So back off!”
This is a good opportunity for the right company. Is there a company selling some cool, unique sunglasses? They could put a full page ad in all the major papers with a shirtless shortarmguy flexing his muscles, sporting the shades, and a tagline at the bottom shouting “Dare to be different!” People are sick & tired of just another pretty face promoting new products. It’s time to get some really unique people out there. Is there a company that recently developed a new line of gloves? Who would be better to help launch them than a guy with only four fingers?
What’s in it for Shortarmguy? For a limited time, Shortarmguy has an introductory offer for the right company. He is offering the exclusive use of his likeness and marketing ideas for a period of two years for only $2 million American dollars. Offer is subject to additional terms, conditions, and the approval of Shortarmguy.
The concept is simple. The company that uses Shortarmguy as a spokesperson will have their products noticed. Isn’t that what advertising is all about?
Interested parties may contact Todd Swank at firstname.lastname@example.org.
All donations will go towards improving Shortarmguy.com. My dream is to provide comedy videos on this website. I’d like to show clips of my old stand-up comedy routine and eventually produce an original web video series starring an animated Shortarmguy character who fights crime and saves the world from disaster. Or something like that….
Your contributions could help make this happen.. All donations are processed via Paypal.com.
Click the above picture to make a donation.
Thanks for your consideration!!